My Inevitable Christmas

Yes, it is inevitable because almost all of the people celebrate it. And it is a world holiday. Though we tend to project it in different ways, still, it is celebrated. And its funny among Filipinos that even they are financially short, they still find ways to have something special to eat during “Noche Buena”. It’s funny because we love Christmas so much that we don’t mind whether we’re short or not. Then after Christmas, the heads of the families will go crazy on where can they get money to satisfy the debts. But at least they celebrated the Season with their families and with the warmth of positive incorporeal things in their hearts. Another thing that I noticed is that Filipinos’ Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without new outfits and everything. I consider my family as one of those who follows that tradition, kinda korny but just think of it as reward to you, after persevering for such a long time. You definitely deserve something good in return. You worked for it anyhow.

Enough of the broad-spectrum, I would like to share something, it’s my moment anyway, my chance, my opportunity to brag, oh my! Privilege given to me, rather. Here it goes. When I was like grade 3, we used to celebrate the Holidays with my dad. And afterwards, it’s not the usual. We’ve been like that for about 8 or 9 years. I am used to it, we are used to it. We are happy, though he’s not with us. And I know he is happy. There seems to be no problem at all. It’s just that I’m being emotional again, that’s why I found myself, staring at one corner and wondering how would it be if he’s with us? Would we be happy? Would it be like before? And loads of sub-questions came up until I don’t know what to answer first. I was so confused that I started thinking negatively and hated everything around me. Then something reminded me that I don’t have to answer it all at once but one question at a time.


Of course, if there’s something about my family, there’s something about me. Not because I want people to feel empathy, I just want to share the lessons I’ve learned in the short vacation we had. I was so bitter last Christmas and because of the stupid things I’ve thought of and another thing. But I don’t want my family to worry and ruin their Christmas that’s why I don’t show the true feelings that I keep inside. I so hate myself. When it comes to my feelings, I’m so sarcastic that I want to prolong and keep it; such an introvert. Because of my bitterness, I wrote an article in my blog saying that this Christmas was the worst one. Not knowing that I unintentionally hurt someone. I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to. I never will. But it happened. What can I do? At first I just let it pass, but I can’t take it anymore, my imaginary friend is already bugging me so much that I can’t sleep. Finally, I sent a message to that someone and suggested that we should talk. But circumstances didn’t allow us to do so. Maybe fate was playing with me again. Haha! Very well then, after so many phonecalls and messages, I thought of writing another post, and I promised that it would be that last. As for me, I had done my way. But I think it’s not enough. Have to talk to that someone personally, to explain myself and to clear stuffs out.

That’s it! Then after all those encumbrances and emotional dissonance, I came to realize things that had changed me, the way it think, the way I perceive things, and the way I feel.
These are the lessons I’ve learned:

1. Korny things are the best thing that would make you laugh with your family.


2. God really loved me that He gave me the best mom ever and of course the best brothers. I am happy though my dad is not around. I have another Dad anyway. And he’s up there, guiding me every step of the way. And with that, I can still consider myself as Daddy’s girl!


3. Not all things will be done my way, it should be His way.


4. As what I had said/written/typed earlier, I don’t have to answer it all questions at once but one at a time.


5. Love comes vis-à-vis with pain. BUT, God is always there to heal the scratches, bruises, and wounds.
   

PHOTOCREDIT: krisdecurtis@Flickr

- SHEIGLA NERIE DAVID/YFCFEU-IABF